my contemplation has no ends. it drives to the rivers of extreme depression till I feel completely suicidal. The frustration and anger of witnessing someone else living my life , some others achieving my dreams, some others trying to steal the luck that I already have which can never be comprehended as justice to me at all. I fear that things more than failure awaits me , and it scares the hell out of me. My appearance that worries me , brings me fortune , how people tend to judge just by it , depresses me more than ever. I will never belong in that "in" crowd ,that I do sometimes try to be in . Accept it , I'm not cool or a suck up . Trying to be myself hasnt worked for me , being a bitch doesnt work long time either . However, I find myself along in a corner, neglected, ignored, never heard of and no one paying attention to it , though with all my heart I do know that I deserve more treatment that I get right now. well how can i expect more from other people, when the person that I think that loves me the most forgets me at the midst of other people ? Yesterday I observed him , not even listening to me till i finished my sentence till his attention diverted into someone else's conversation. I just stopped halfway , cuz it was the 7th time that happened at the dinner table just during that hour. so i thought , maybe id shut up now. It was embarrassing and with all my heart i was hoping no one noticed how I was ignored by my own kin. It was sad, disheartening, but what could I do ? then I see all these other signs, other people acting as the potentials for my man. urgh! sluts!