im afraid i have become exactly what i shouldnt be. im not happy, and i dread coming here. nor am i appreciated , or liked  , but put down as someone so incapable and definitely not a part of the in crowd as opposed to how it used to be. i might have put out this image of being innocent , funny and silly ,and now , it's just so used against me that ive become a primary object of mockery. I do not have a need to be a part of the so called in crowd ,so to speak, all i want is just to be left alone. the innocent person i am , just to be me. without being some bully's victime. but that's what i am now and there is no turning back whatsover. I'd hate to believe what my palm lines in store for me , cuz if those were to be true, it would all add to existing misfortunes and life would be just one bag of misery that i have no escape from. Neither do I want anyone's pity ,but sadly, i just dont have that either. It's also more depressing ,when you actually do have people in your life that you can share these sorrows with, yet you aren't comfortable with yourself to be so vulnerable to someone. I shouldnt feel this way, cuz it's a healthy relationship, but then how can I call it so when I just conceal so much ? The scarred history , the dreadful present  and as to how Ive become so naive , lack of self confidence , and totally changed as to how i used to be. maybe this wasnt a great move afterall or for how long can I endure this ?